On the morning I woke up with quiet and went to college earler than usually for stretching a paper. En route to this I met K and we were talking about dreams, delibarates and unpercieved ones. It’s surprisingly because of his taciturnity.
In college, when I set up a new draft, it turn up back to interior. For some reason a sitter hadn’t come and we again left the workshop and get corridors. I was confused and restrained myself from ironical jokes on order of things there. But my really merry mood wasn’t downed and I had enjoyed by work.
My senses and my mind were optimistic because of my own world including art, painting, story about painting, english books and me.
On break Lena and me talked with Sasha and Olya about study, their sesion and themes for final work. Finally Olya request to gather together sometimes after their session in April. We were so fanny, warm and really frendly that I insisted on this idea.
Work was did well, last painting work was hanged in corridor, kind girl came to mix – everything’s good.
Today this weekend I’m not so misery as I was yesterday. Maybe I really needed some rest or some time away from college. The fact that it was open day yesterday. For this reason I watched a lot of feigned and foolishness thing from highmen. Liers. It happens that student on senior rates absolutely disappointed in college. As me.
Today I’ve done a page of illustration for book arts and was really glad to create. I haven’t any problems with my attitude to study, I have a problem with my college. It kills positive mood and directs you on dark hopeless way. It doesn’t matter for me. Not at all.
This day began with snow outside the window. I skipped the lecture of comp.graphic and did its at home. Naturally I was late on second lecture and had been running before I entered the class where nobody was going to study. To my pity all my expectation to get some new phylosophy material was failed. She asked some questions for us and left the room. Then everywhere around me voices were heard: “Who is Jaspers?” “WTF is this existentialism?” etc. Honestly I suddenly have shoked and dissapeared by them. Teacher, wno called me “most clever”, asked me the first and I told half questions during a minute. Then we were talking about absurdity of life and ways to go away from this absurdity. She went on prosaic war side of theme and I wasn’t intrested as in causes of hydrogen bomb’s creation as politic.
During the dinner break we cleaned up the study room. Rubbish! I grambled about this foolishness all the time. We mustn’t work as cleaning woman we must study. But I think that if the open door days would be never the college became dirty and dusty. On the whole fifth courses had washed the floors in workshops.
Then it became the best time of day. I was drawing the interior on the second floor and really enjoyed on it. Nobody bothered me and I could fell in work. I like to draw interiors because I absolutely self-confident as I know how to do it well. At first course all my home interior was took in the fund.
After three pairs of drawing and listening music I came throw bay. It was windy and to my amasing snowy. I thought abput nothing and watch light on ice.
I left centre of with glimpsed sense of sad. There was real grey as sky sad. In college I looked throw the window on other river bank, but didn’t listen the lecture or answer questions. On types it became worse. I couldn’t find any idea for linocut. I made my brain and soul work harder. The phrase “pain borns straight” circled inside. And finely I find a plot of a picture. It wasn’t just linocut it was the painting work maybe my final. Since that moment I allegedly have thrown indolent away and give some place for freedom of inspiration. I went to home merry but not most.
This day is special due to the influence of yesterday. It’s my little weakness to read and watch about my dreams on sundays and then breath hard. Sometimes I can’t believe that all around me is real around me and no any wall, what suddenly collapse opening the world I live in. But truly today there’s clear warm air I can walk without hat and feel freshness.
In the collage we started a new work for drawing – an interior. About twenty or thirty minutes we were changing the place for draw (I know it before). The first two pairs passed fast as we all worked concentrate. Many people, who usually invisible in their studies, was going from one point to other nonstop. I changed the place on second floor and saw everybody’s movies and talks for greater about politic. Tiresome theme.
As last pair had canceled we scetched.
Flowing light day. Penult day of my studies literature. It was “War and Peace” and “Ionich”. None of my girls had come that’s why I sitted and kept silence alone. After lesson I decided to run against the plan for the day. Sun flared eyes and lighted all slush on roads. Because of my ignorance scampers during the week I felt tired. Then I’ve finished the foreskis – review is tomorrow and read the book.
I’m going to watch “august”
Just now I’ve gone from the opening of new exibition in Artist’s Soviet gallery. It is litographies of Picasso. Indeed ones turned out only photos. Nobody said it loud enough. Nevertheless I listened speeches with some sort of pleasure. These men try to understand, try to transcend themselves, transcend their classic view, but still keep soviet artists. It is in our town in second decade of 21 century. Many of quests disparaged print copies and went to banquet table. I was leaving real life and not hear any sound around me. I really glad to see slowly steps of coming evolution of art to this town. I smiled not because it must to be there, but because I felt cheer. On the way back to bus stop we were discussing exibition. Masha wasn’t being so chatty and saying that that question is hard for her and maybe she only haven’t grow enough to accept it. To my pity, people don’t understand this art are around me everewhere. I can say only N sometimes ago said me how it is awesome.
So bright not just blue sky and not only white snow fallen during night. Inspite of that I had enough sleep feeling dizzy still is with me. I’d drank a cup of black cofee before the study, but when I came there health wasn’t better. I was tottered and shoke when was going between two studies, laing my works out for review. On that review hadn’t any surprises for me, except of course the one point. On the whole I didn’t expect to deliver my second class work to the fund. I took only one 4 and 5s on other works. Kockel said me that I need more quality drawing because my painting reminds the best times of soviet art. But not the drawing. By the way I’ve been painting hard and really bad since monday. Without any representation about causes I feel that can’t paint the way I do it before. Something had changed. Even if I’ll keep silence about my hodianal state I need to say that working on new staging sitter is very strange. I try to overcome these senses and do it so well as I can.
I’ve eaten hot supper and some sweets (never do it – sugar is the white death) that’s why I feel better and going to take off canvas.
After so brightly merry day I’m sitting on sofa about half an hour. I’ve written w letter for N- I’ve never done one so short- only a side of leave.