So, each of five previous days I was in the village. I didn’t want to arrive there long time and had taken a desision at the last moment. Early morning I came to the college by Shevrole car throught empty central streets. But to my amazing nobody but me had came in time. Then I talked and we shipped bags. At this start I’d not been glad to be there and take part in the process. Many trees and slash houses with grey rotten fences. Sleeping I couldn’t behold a moment when we had arrived to the village and Ribkin shown a pond. It was a pressure of absolutely stranger world with strange attitude. To my howl we directed to the church where I really felt confused. Even thought – I have no reason why I should feel worse – hadn’t helped me. It was a tedious time I tryed not to speak cynical words and do what I don’t believe at all. That chuch was a real country church with no enlighted approach to faith. From my wicked hands I dropped candles twice as couldn’t be there and play a role. When we left I’d exhaled. But shock therapy hadn’t been finished. We went to little local museum. I know I need to take every possible enjoy by all happens with me. But there it was a horrible blackout of reality and just sad. I couldn’t find a place of mine. Everywhere it smelles like this republic – uncivilised, rough and so noisy. Other mates enjoyed the moment and took photos with dusty things. I was like in a terrible dream what I want to abandon. Then we’d went to the house. It was first one – old slash wood house and new – straight and white. There was a pretty library and chairs. But everything outdoors didn’t make me glad as it was with mates. Soon we were standing in front of country still life. Pressure and silence. I still didn’t want to paint especially under the hot sun. It was hard concentrate process. When it’d stopped we ate tasteless meal and went for new studies. Evening Masha, Sergey and me were talking about admission to different faculties. I became calm and merry. Twilight wasn’t an obstacle for painting and I with no wish standed beside of people. First night wasn’t quite as I couldn’t fell in sleep on the floor.
Shortly. Subsuquent days was so long and slow with cold sun and silence of trees. I was closed for all new like terrible meal and terrible closet, terrible houses and dirty clothes (it had became that way). I felt myself like a stranger in the different country. Phychology quiz. One morning I couldn’t sleep because of much people went for sunrise and went across the field to the pond. It was so quiet so empty (of course beautiful) and all the cities where I walked in the morning glimsed in my mind like warm near memories. I missed cities at all. Cars, houses, noise, people, architecture, roads, theatres etc. Life.
Lonelyness stayed with me almost all the time as I was allegedly out of people out of sub text. And that made me sad. I failed a phychology exam (save an optimism, be friendly) but later I understood that wherever I am it’s still me and no more. If I am in a village it doesn’t mean I’m countryman. We never lose what we have inside.
In the professional side thais experience was very useful. Each of us watched one another and took the best way. I was very amazed like our last painting teacher composes landscapes – fast, beatiful, clever.
Return to this town is pretty but not wonderful. I really enjoy cars around, shops, people and noise. In two days it’ll become a habit.