Ok. I’ve just done a huge aquisition. It’s a tennis racket what I have my own now. Strange sense of joy and usual day feeling. I’ve spent a lot of money and like an old man percieve a need of reasonable financial life. No timely enjoys more self-development costs.
At the morning I went to a yard by national library to paint a balcony. Of course I didn’t assume in advance. Untill I was painting among many kids played and cryed. It doesn’t matter what is yard that was shouts of parents always the same. “Do not do this way!” “Don’t go there!” “Stop running to and fro play in one place!” “Don’t broke your toy!”. And then they want to see their childs successful and happy. In their bound place of life. That space lets you think about this question more and I like a very snobbish parent want to have better life for my own kids. Like everyone my own childhood’s regrets may touch the next generation with huge requirements.
I painted a shined balcony when it hasn’t already been and then went to home. Here a sad film about Rembrandt. I’ve never known about his last official order – picture for city hall what he cut himself. I think it’s very sad and the same time logical that artist’s life at most depends on public tastes. So often this was that contemprories behold average works like great but didn’t do this with really great masterpieces. Contemprories a little blind. I can’t denounce them about this but finally it’s sadly. When you feel upset about many of depressive artists remember about Picasso and Renoir. Especially the last one. No each artist has depressive life with many of dramatic scenes.
Finally I more and more understand that I do not want to live life of bustle with usual problem how to take a sunction for overhaul. I want more colourful artistic life I have even now. And when I stood near by young mums I quessed about their day plans. Wake up, make a breakfast, take childrens to preschool, then clear up a little little flat, take childrens to home, make supper, go for a walk, talk with husband, read something fanny before sleep and everything this way later. Of course some girls like it and feel themselves in their own place. But for me it doesn’t enough vivid life. When I think about family future I like in another state of life then they are. Oh, I have talked too much about one question. Stop me please. Everything I wanted to say is I want to do childhood of my own kids more colourful and comfortable for development. And this is a reason why I so worried about money. This’s all.