reflections

I don’t know what to say, my tennis lesson has canceled and I went backward through the street. Today and yesterday I thought more then did. About world and approach to life in different countries, but mainly I regreted and regret now about my own not so awesome childhood. I think it the worst way to show the world for a child. I mean all of these faceless buildings with dirty yards and kids wasted their time just walking and talking with basically stupid people. It’s not a total conclusion but a regret of my own life. Why did I surround by that bad educated boorish people? Why did I surround by grey the same type buildings? I regret about this inspite of knowing that this’s idle. Sometimes I make an assumption what would be with me if I had a real elite childhood? Would I know a few languages and europe culture and other more positive and useful experience to my twenty? Frankly this sort of reflection is a resound of my senses to my own kins. I see them and speak some usual words with them. But on the whole we are from different planets with different views on life. I do not feel myself like a part of this town and republic. And I live not where I feel I need to live. 

Perfectly with this kind of thoughts I must to be activity and lifeful but naturally I am so lazy and tiresome that I feel ashamed but there’s such a fear to neglect this time and then regret about this. i do not want. But something really wrong with me. Why do I eat so much? It’s not normal and maybe such a buzz to me. “Your life isn’t full” spoke me my inner. What’s wrong? I need to know.

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