The first time after plain air exhibition I went to the collage for formal reason. And there was a stir I don’t know about. Only thought I have am I really going to be here the whole year? Like another country like growing out of old clothes. It’s my own notion and no more, I need to be easier and just think about what I want to do, to feel, to paint etc. And there I understood more downright that it’s remained not so much time before the storm. And I affraid very much. Just a sight of Britvin in the study made me deserve to go away. I exaggerate as always. That’s not my world anymore, that was in the first two years maybe, but not now. I often imagine myself returned from big cities like a real good artist to this walls for meeting with students. And I would tell about foolishness of this sistem and my own creativity. Ha ha. In fact I really angry with this town, education sistem, pseudo-creators and basic mantality about art. And I must to leave this anger away.
When I went backward I felt again the sense like I separate from myself on ten santimeters and behold. The college is the same type of reality as streets and old fat women with ponderous bags. Everything is penetrated with itself. And what about me? Sometimes it’s just so tiresome to get by the same streets.
Til I painted a study in the yard of the new house it went a man to ask for me to make some job in building space, then the second man wanted to get a picture with his house. I felt as gladness as weariness. I saw much business persons there and to my regret I notice that my mum doesn’t look like this success beauty and very clever woman.
I begin to read the second book about creativity – very useful I say.