So this day influenced on me with all this movement of places and people. We went to Mary’s posad for plain air. Morning there was some mist and pairs with breathe on sunny background. On the destination we were send to the local museum. All that time I restrained myself from comments about poverty. I saw it everywhere in destroyed houses and cheap stuff. But the main street was pretty with old houses one by one. It was this republic in smell and speeches, in faces and talks of pupils (on exhibition opening). I smelt it immediately in the local museum and a wall stood inside me. How often do I need to repeat this question of senses? I really don’t feel myself like this republic’s girl. No. I’d recieved so much signs about real me that I have no doubts. Even in talks about pictures I was so remote. Plus for me in my introduction with Rybkin and some facts I listened from academy’s student in the bus. Than more he said than more I understood how far the world of academy from me. What? Something more than just cigarettes for relax on painting faculty? Damn. There was my public loneliness when you are yourself in front of people who don’t care about you. I need to go away from this world. I don’t feel my grandparents were peasants, really don’t. Like my only kin was father who isn’t now.
Little tired and sick.