little trip in scatter sentenses.

So this day influenced on me with all this movement of places and people. We went to Mary’s posad for plain air. Morning there was some mist and pairs with breathe on sunny background. On the destination we were send to the local museum. All that time I restrained myself from comments about poverty. I saw it everywhere in destroyed houses and cheap stuff. But the main street was pretty with old houses one by one. It was this republic in smell and speeches, in faces and talks of pupils (on exhibition opening). I smelt it immediately in the local museum and a wall stood inside me. How often do I need to repeat this question of senses? I really don’t feel myself like this republic’s girl. No. I’d recieved so much signs about real me that I have no doubts. Even in talks about pictures I was so remote. Plus for me in my introduction¬†with Rybkin and some facts I listened from academy’s student in the bus. Than more he said than more I understood how far the world of academy from me. What? Something more than just cigarettes for relax on painting faculty? Damn. There was my public loneliness when you are yourself in front of people who don’t care about you. I need to go away from this world. I don’t feel my grandparents were peasants, really don’t. Like my only kin was father who isn’t now.

Little tired and sick.


4 thoughts on “little trip in scatter sentenses.”

  1. I think this feeling about ur non-republicness just shows how wide ur soul is. Well, love of motherland and native town is good (not necessary, though) but what if it is too little for a person? It kinda chains us like any obsession or concentrating on smth too much. Besides, this love is not stuff we inherit frm parent or grandparents. It is more like a…maybe a hobby. I mean that tastes differ in hobbys, so do “loves” of places.

    1. Your version is very flattering, but I presume, overtime, that it’s result of me brought up like a daddy girl. I’ve almost never was in the country and when I was it had made me confused, not ease, constantly I found usual things like closet, roads, normal kitchen. It was not my world from the start. Sometimes I was amazed with my notions about life what I’d got in unknown space. I thought in a trip people must to live in big luxury hotels and feed in lovely cafes.
      Yesterday Br. said that artists always are out of society, they watch being outside. Maybe you’re right.

  2. If we, artists and creative-oriented people, didn’t posses these treats of character (being outside included) we would be very different persons now. I personally don’t want be someone else.

    1. Yes, I often appreciate my skill to get away situation and just watch. Yesterday I noticed that boys behave themselves the same way as most russian men. But it was greeted with exclaiming question”Oh, no! Maybe we’re in Russia, aren’t we?!”

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