I broke the daily routine today with my morning decision to not go for first lessons. I was writing my pages as it was very needed. Last time I had been attended to this slough as a new participant of sadness and sorrow. I mean like one in a room with smokers in time becomes smell with nicotine I in the room of moaning people become more frown. This process of mixing with space stirs my thoughts and feels. I needed a pause to arrange myself. When I utter words I would never say with my own will being out of this society I feel something like traitorous. And this is the reason why I should write questions and answers on a paper. Like “What should I do to improve days? What does take majority of time? Is it what I want to do?” etc.
I went to the college at break’s end but nothing was ready for work. En route to the workshop I met our literature teacher who offered me to take part in the new competion and in presentation about Lermontov’s creativity. For ten minutes I had so much proposals that I had to think what is the most important. As usual girls were sitting with cuppa in a circle. I was willing to draw. That time wasn’t empty but I still have a quess that it’s all idle. It is rather a parody on study than really is it.
By three o’clock I’d already was in a line for getting a reference. My fast pace let brain some air and space to spread to. And I returned to the college with final paper and with will for action.