Colour sketches’ days. New exhibition

Bright sun in my room and some shoots of cat in the balcony during morning excersices. Morning allegadly whispered on ear: “Go to walk and be fun!” Of course I had got out of the flat and went to the college. There was everything like always. Few persons in process, few in chair. Being louth to do something or connect with my group I did all very slow. Talks the whole day was not intellegence enough, clever enough or interesting. Much of instagram and local cafes. But near by them there were girls I would like to mix with but feel some confuse (in spite of the first step) to left my group and move to them. I see very clear, like in a picture for comparison, difference between kind of persons I could connect with. And the choice is only mine. I can be content with available company and continue to feel myself odd or I can look for something better and more proper.  The answer why I did so little step today is evidently simple. Much easier to keep up with past than to build something new. But tomorrow and days after I should blaze new trails.
At the first floor it was put up the new exhibition. There were some of plain air studies as sketches as paintings, some of oil studies: nude sitters and heads. I had looked through those with rigid feel of sensless. Plain air studies are so enlessly and boring. The little ceremony of opening was very alike. Some portion of pathetic pseudo-warm-hearted words about Academy. So silly ideal of that institute. Even not being attained this ideal by myself I feel that I deviated from all that world of Academy. It seems to me so silly that I could not even keep up talk about workshops with Mary and just said: “I don’t know anything of your affair” And this is true. Their talks was so tiresome that I went to get over my colour sketch. And there was fit of breathing hard.
I have no idea what is waiting for me tomorrow, but I curtainly know that that medicine is avoid and narcotic.
Tomorrow my canvas will be delivered.


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