This is the first day of my work at mom’s office. Recently I presumed to be happy having new experience, but after yesterday’s tennis workout I became little more uploaded.
I don’t know why but I feel confused. Allegadly all my skills in connections with people around are lost and I have nothing on its place. This is too ridiculous to have such nervous state of mind in such convinient conditions. I don’t know what to say how to behave myself in any situation. My vague status is the one reason to feel like this. But this isn’t the normal to be such. My own behavior diverges of my ideals. Ideals of self-confident, independent, the woman of her own will and word, able to mix with anybody, work effectively in any conditions. But I tremble. Almost all the time I bit myself at the forehead and cry something like “Do!! Say something!! Be active!!!” And my energy has leaked somewhere. Certainly it should be said that I need to be more brave. This is what I lost in Moscow because of failure and this is what I need to revive again. Nothing will change if I change nothing. Too banal to say it but for all the summer time my comfort zone has evidently narrowed to a flat with internet, films and books. I often speak to myself that there is nothing really scary in working, mixing with new people in being alive. But the absence of practice affects on me.
Wake up, dear, or you will see you dreams only in your sleeptime.
No, not like this. Wake up and dreams will come true!! – YAAA!
But for today I got the short limited course of young designer and can do some of basic works.