This week was the first week of full time job I ever had. The one things I understood that from the work horses die (but I am immortal pony). Really we worked so hard that to the friday my condition could be called hibernation. If we compare the inner life with a river we could see that it would dry from intensive use without any new infusion. Evident point. Personally I begun to forget about me like me. My upset about having insufficient time for writing, reading and better drawing was too huge. And after dry noisy evening of Friday which I spent listening Nastya’s classmates I couldn’t get sleep because of crying. Emotions aren’t rational, and that was kind of emotional fatigue. From endless work requests, from inferior amount of my friends. (That was huge mistake to break the link with my own classmates). That was only emotions. Nothing else. Yesterday I even cryed after mom scolded my wrong choice of paper to print urgent photos. I was in hurry, cutting one by one and controlling both printers I couldn’t watch at the sticker when it was so evidently glossy paper. -stupid justifications!
Today I have got away actually for look for a bag. But a half of an hour I spent at the restaurant’s yard with notebook and that time was the most useful for mu mind for the whole week. Some points had become clear. Such as I’m not here endlessly, at October it is the trip to SPb. This is the way and I still in the train to the point. This station isn’t pretty yes but it is only the station nothing else. I have no reason to be upset about my days. At the end I do work very effective (such revenues hadn’t been there anytime before) in spite of mistakes and panic attacks I had when machineries failed or time pressed. Actually this is the good chance to develop my stress resistance. And to throw away things what do not work for me.