This days I feel myself completely tired. Without any percieving reasons just becase of seating at work in front of the computer screen and looking through million pages of part-time job. I did it because everytime I feel myself there very odd. I’ve already written about it. To speak honestly job just makes me tired and nothing else. Of course I wake up early enough and go out of home in clean clothes but it’s still nothing. For these days I’d found data about local exam tutors and yesterday I even went to the language centre where left my profile. (Oh, how huge my desire to begin to study french too is!) They said study will start at September. Ok. My next goal is to connect with tutors and get one of the best (of locals).
The condition of unemploying is so confused and inconvinient. But I truly feel like job injures creative point of view and deviate me from the way of art. It’s a tricky question: how to be in such case? Work and make money to pay for myself or to prepare to all departments hard and have no money niether suffient independence? Maybe I can make money with something else.
The other point is to keep me clever enough. For the recent time I’ve become less smart left clear view off but begun to hesitate, not hope on my brain in logic tasks. Entirely I regarded to myself as a silly little girl who recklessly got burned and will never be so self-confident as before. No, I’ll not be a weak indecisive person who hides under a blanket to keep the inner in safe. Imagination, logic and skills are business of workout, not luckiness to be gifted, rich and communicative enough. Everything is on how do spend my hours, what books I read, images draw, films watch and people mix with. Maybe I can’t be perfect, but certainly better. It’s too clear that most things are depends on my own actions, my approches and decisions. This is a little power I presume. (quiet laughing and caressing a cat)
So. I’m again at the shoke ground and partly this’s good.