The two days I only study and read. Nothing more. I want to have read book to the first of October.
It was so exhusting english lesson yesterday. I don’t know why but I regularly feel myself guilty for my mistakes. While I am speaking my english is so poor and distorted. it was surprise that (really no) I can’t just switch on the right way of pronunciation or grammar structures. There is the clear memory about lesson of drawing (or something else) what might have many words what had been totaly useless in practice. In this point like everywhere else my own efforts are bigger than the teaching effects.
It has already become the evident autumn as I can see grey sky and orange trees the same time. I wanna have an exellent year what finally will provide me further.
It is noticably hot day for September during which we could enjoy “last” sunrays of summer. I wore black to go to barber shop. There I found my face very gloomy and unfriendly and couldn’t wonder at quiet hairdresser. Not only my face was thoughtful but senses too. It’s not time to feel boring, but sometimes I do. As the cut had been finished the magic of barber shop turned on and I took ease.
En route to the bank I unexpectedly met Chukmareva. She was as usual light, fanny and pretty. While we were speaking I felt dufficalties at keeping the talk positive, personal. And without so much questions about other people. But I knew by her that girls are at the St.Petesbourg now and they work hard as waitresses. It confused me as evidently they tried more. But maybe my approach would give me better yields. I don’t know. It always confuses me, I mean questions like “Do I do everything right?” “Should I sacrifice with my confort for better chances?” And after quick delibiration I have concluded that I have no need in full year of preparation at SbP. Certainly I have the other way of life. And maybe I will always be doubting what decision would be better for me. So I have already taken the most of decisions and have to stay on track constantly.
After the whole morning surfing in the Instagrams of the universities and their students (https://instagram.com/vgik_bohemia/, https://instagram.com/st_petersburg_state_university/) I surprisingly understood that maybe it isn’t so necessary to arrive to Saint-Petersbourg now. I deduced so as it evidently good idea to prefer their State university to the last choice. The teachers have the same high-level of rewards in movie, but the same time it seems more open and international than V. And of course I spoke about my autumn trip too much to realize it. (The regular rule: keep silence about your plans before it happens) After such phrase I should shut me up and say only that my main focus now is the preparation to the state exams in march and april.
But I still afraid to stay at home the most part of the day and to have insufficient connections. And with work I won’t have so much time to achieve the desired result.
Everything will be OK.
It was yesterday midday when I recieved the text by Lena with the offer to meet. And quickly I agreed to go for a walk, especially at the time of such miraclous weather. The whole summer we all couldn’t wear summer like dresses and hid our legs in shorts. So that’s why I already two days prefer dresses. It doesn’t matter.
However, we met together near by the closest cinema theatre to my home. She prefered to come to a cafe and we directed through yards there. At the surface its were the grey skinny shorts, pink loose-fitting blouse with little rhinestones. Her white little bag with flower pattern was still there as the mini-tablet. She seemed me shorter than before but the same smiling and laughing on rubbish thing (I do the same). At the beginning as it often happens there was some distance and the difference between our conditions. Certainly on her background I’m an optimistic maker of decisions, but she is still on same point.
Later Lena said that she dislike to go the meets as everytime it all reduced to her dreams she had not and her plans she didn’t make. I listened her carefully and felt some pity. Her common understand is clear but certain decisions are lost in the fog. To grasp the idea that the manual labor is low-payed or that we should develop the great idea in the society is not so hard. But to make something farther maybe is. (not for me as we deduced I like to act\
work\create). It is sadly to look at her and understand that she can do things better or even achieve some decent goal in her life but she doesn’t do more deliberated steps.
If she would be the first it amazed me, but exactly I can reckon her as fourth. It has already been the tendency of being lost after art college. What have happened that they all are so gloomy? Contradictions between study time and real life, or between the desire to be happy creator and the absence of response in the air of society. This is the point to contemplate about.
This question always sounds upset at the noisy evening cafe. We couldn’t be so frown and discussed some films she watched and I am adored. Frankly I spoke more than she as I have so much things to say. To begin with my dramatic entrance exams, to “Apocalypse now” and some new notions about life. This was the high-level enjoy to share your ideas with people who can partly understand you.
After two watery tea pots and the dessert we went outdoors. I was glad to meet with her dispite her not merry condition.
The fair autumn is everywhere here. It lights me with vivid sunshine and fresh thoughts with clear air. To go along by the walking pupils in the park and reflect. I remember what Zhenya said us about her biology skills. For us she was a specialist, but with the tutor she felt herself like a first year pupil. And I feel the same at my lessons. Why do I understand most of audio I listen myself but it is still dufficult to find certain information in the exam’s audio? Sometimes it’s like shooting. Or like tennis. You stand in front of your partner and bit every ball the best way you can. Especially it happens while we practice speaking. I should fast and correct answer the question I am not sure what to say even in russian. Such moments I realize how little I have done for my skills and how much I should do now to not be at the same level.
Getting more is not an easy process and it is naturally normal to feel myself little weak. Nobody and nothing promised me to give one moment result. The old lesson. Nothing worth comes without efforts. The only easy way is to stay the same with the same voids and ignorance. It’s not what I want.
My excitement and boldness evidently withstand against usualness of daily life. I shouldn’t forget about my purposes and be active as I can and even more.
This days I opened for myself that it is very boring to take tests and then read not easy to read book. And that I should go out of my home more frequent even just to do the same things but in others enviroments. As the constant of surroundings isn’t what I need to have. As tranquility is not so good when it proceeds longer than two or three days. That’s why I begun to think about my SPb’s trip more exactly. (And I researched who would muster in my department in V – he would be the same person. Not good news.) Now I realize that everything of universities is teachers not common prestige. I just look forward for my courses.
My inner today is little exhausted – dufficulties from my super efficient timetable. But I researched examples of film’s portfolio and made the inference that it is more possible to make videos. There was nobody with excellent professional cameras and extra-class effects. But it still haven’t turned into an easy thing.
I was shooting the whole time en route to home and noticed that I watched at the enviromental in very details. To see we should look carefully. And express many impressions anywhere. The other way colours of daily life will fly away and never will come into something constant.
So I have carried the kitten to our home. He is a ginger lttle one. While we were arriving by bus it was so stressful, I heard him weeping and often opened the bag to pet him.
The house of his owner was the common house where every post box was distroyed and the lift was the public closet. The door among the dark dusty coridor with sounds of child’s cry was opened by a boy. He was in a T-shirt and pant. That’s all. I couldn’t be talkish with him in such wear and just took the kitten. By the main door of the house I met the ginger adult cat. His father I presume.
But the first part of the day I was in my room drawing the storyboard. It was the day to do badly but still do. (afterward it won’t be bad just pictures I had done.)
I’ve just come from my first lesson of english. And like the defence of diploma it was the attraction too. My teacher is self-confident and very artistic in her way of explaining. We did some little exercises from the exam itself right then. And of course I wasn’t ready to talk about the increasing interest in space. But I did. She praised me a little for fluently speaking (with huge deal of mistakes) even if I had no words enough to tell properly. I did the common mistakes in speeches but as she said I was not hopelessly. It’s not hopelessly. And I felt with my skin that I should study more productive. Pay attention to important details of grammar and pronunciation.
The other thing is enviroment. There is a spacious room with one window. The grey wallpapers with no poster. But about ten stools with turning worktops where the textbooks were left and the orange shelves with books in the corner. There was no plinth and the dark coloured door seemed little oddly. On different doors are different plates with names of great cities. At the table of administrator there was the timetable highlighted with few colours. Iron cups for pens (evidently from mass market) and the computer screen with the keyboard. From the open door of one class it was sounded russian-english translation from a young female pupil.
But outdoor it’s so autumn-like. So orange and fresh to walk to home.
After yesterday’s celebration I woke up about to go to work. But it amazed my mom as she intended to make some work without me. Ok. My free day. (Half of what I was cooking and cleaning up)
Yesterday before going out of the flat to celebrate I watched “Paris” again. And again it’s atmoshere involved me into that world. Without reasons I was little upset and when I arrived at the destination much earlier I tryed to dissipate that mood out. In the shadow of trees and on the bus stop there everywhere I felt that french mood of autumn.
At the first view I hadn’t recognised the girls coming to me across the road. But than it had been so warm to meet again. Conversations appeared to be much easier to keep up. Kate studies to make manicure and Nastya is in search of regular job. They all took me the gifts what I presumed but didn’t hope.
In the site of the quest (where we came little early) we could sit and drink tea with cookies and speak loud about our businesses. I told something about my little goals as they were much interested and intrigued after instagram’s posts of mine. Surprisingly but I could speak free and take ease.
The Quest itself was the great. As soon as we came to the first room everyone had forgotten the purpose of being there. And we just began to observe, look for something. Often we were like monuments. Really moments of smart actions changed with dull standing and observing the safe or something like that. The last room was so dark under the winking gloomy light and so straining with pressing music. And the key moment had come. We opened the last safe’s door and unexpectedly it was dumped the mannequin. I cryed a little, girls and Mary cryed so long and so loud that we were in a little shock of her. But than we had to crawl into the dark tunnel to come out. Then we were laughing, making photos, talking and being so enjoyed that couldn’t be silent.
But outdoors it was raining. The first cafe was closed on repair and we directed to the other one. There it were salads, ice-cream, bottle of wine and talks, talks, talks. I didn’t expect but the wine in amazing way cleaned my mind and I could direct every talk fluently, think fast but speak also ineptly. But when we moved out my head had been spinning and I felt myself really drunk (after two glasses of wine!!).
That was wonderful evening what confirms my think that something is always better than nothing.