This all is like being in greyness. The middle of December in the provincial town without sufficient connections to laugh on jokes and come out with ideas.
I don’t want to say I feel lonely (it’s not true) but I want to say I feel forgotten by exact person I thought as a best friend – N. This crack spoils the picture. I send her a letter as we talked on this in facebook, but neither answer nor her own letter or a stroke of text – nothing. Like only me is interested in this relation. And my not moving on is the plausible pretext to break off ties. The first week after I wrote letter and hadn’t recieved any answer I thought very straight about all of this. But now when I feel bored and tired of the December (common thing) I try to find a warm piece in my heart to heat and can’t. I’m angry with this.
There is the jewish saying: Don’t pour the dirty water until the fresh one hasn’t come. And yes I have not the fresh water, but the dirty one in out of here too.
So, the decision I made was to stay friendly and polite, but away. I must be stronger than now to overcome such silly obstacle as december’s splin and than to get fresh water of my life.
People do us stronger or weaker but we shouldn’t be so dependent of them.