That was the stressful but colourful and quiet emotional first part of the day.
I was operated at the small room without windows, but with my tumbling hands and body. Despite funny talks with other patients (we played “yes\no”) and the basic humourous manner when I sat down to the laser it hadn’t been ok. I couldn’t endure the lense in my eyes and strong light. Tough words of the doctor and the great risk of being injured made me shutter. Honestly control had slided away from me. The same time I tryed to persuade the doctor I didn’t desired to be like that. The dinner time I drunk the water and ate some snatch, got warm and thought a lot. It was hard to throw the doctor’s irritation away and focus on breath. Inside there was a storm I tryed with all my concentration modify into calm breeze.
That was the great appearence of the sense of vulnerability and I knew it. That was the same as the scenes in the dentist’s study after my misfortune at the school, the same was at the college where I hadn’t been able to somersault because of the fear to broke my neck. Flash sense of vulnerability. It’s too phychological to make assumptions fastly.
But the process had been quite intersting. They made everything to stay me under control (belts, hundles, pointer). Ideas of beautiful life and fascinating pictures of great places helped a lot. I recovered myself to feel rather resolution to overcome this than survive. Flares of light, click and please to breath in rhythme those were everything. Like an interesting game where goal was my healthy retina. When it had been done a bucket of cold water poured at me. It was so easy. I felt great love and pleasure to everything. The rite of adrenaline rose a lot. I was a hero, supergirl who had just made the operation (what is so easy and short) and felt self-confident.
Then there was foggy letters everywhere. I couldn’t read and write so spend my time in not educational way.