Meet with Helen

We talked about silly things via messages and immediately appointed the meet. Sunshine and water were everywhere at the street roads. I run to the post office with inspiring music which made my mood even more excited. I could run fastly on the dry alphalt and be safe. All the way there thoughts were being rotated inside as some editor was choosing suitable content to tell her. Usually I consider about the message I want to convey but not always I really manage to do it.

Anyway, when I came to the store firstly I saw her vulgar make up and reappeared local accent. (How deceptive networks are!) As we embraced I couldn’t remain natural enough. We got small talks and led to the zebra crossing. Like people who hadn’t met with each other a few month it was a bit hard to find a proper way for conversation. Like machine parts which need to be fitted.

There was a lot of dirt at that streets and I felt little shame about my decision. As i remember we begun with something silly like visits to a dentist. Strange but she talked about her teeth likewise her life – hopelessly.

At the park there was a wedding: noisy boys and made up girls. I asked her about attitude to marriage. She talked inconsistent and I responded with energetical words but incoherent too. (There’s no a clear idea on this point so far) The old man came to us and spoke strange things we made an impression of listening and then went away. “Why such strange people came to me so often?”-she asked rithorically.

At the cafe we laughed a lot about something, I even took another cup of coffee to rise the pressure. But anyway gloomy things had been. “I know what you wanna say.” “What?” “That it’s unnecessary to wait until proper time and need to go and just do.” She knows about her powerless lifestyle. But as times ago there is no certain decision or intention. I could hear words like “horrible”, “terrible”, “sad” about various kind of things. I pitied her but felt bored. It’s boring to hear an empty belief into my own plans and intentions as everything had been prejudged without my own impact.I found myself talking a lot enthusiastic things again. I could feel almost free about speaking thoughts out (nothing dangerous in her).

But honestly I didn’t want to lecture her about life, I only tried to tell about book I’d read recently. Her responses  made the impression of unsteady soil and weak mind. Weak mindset I would say. It saddens. I don’t understand her sad understanding and ablosute absence of intentions. She’s still lost as six months, year and three years ago.

After she went to the bus and I directed to the other bus stop there was silence. I felt as I got nothing by her but pitiness and weakness. Of course we all can feel ourselves better than we are by such persons. But what I desired was a person who is better in something than I. My mistake was to leave that good inside her (But I tried).


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