Some thoughts about M

I knew I will have such a confusion being here without a clear plan. On one hand I must study and develop on the other hand being here is a chance to connect with huge number of people. Even now I have already mixed with many people. With the neighboors at the begining and the friend from my town. People are quiet different though there are similarities. 
One my neighboor is a girl who studied art at the province and came here to find a job as a designer. The first day she had been sitting in front of the laptop the whole day without any outing. We talked about people who came at Moscow, tried to make the way and after a year of attempts went back to the hometown. I added some stories but didn’t try to support her mood. Her mood is hopelessness. She talked much about her unlucky generation that was so huge in number that everywhere there was a cram. When all entered universities it was hard, when they looked for family it was hard, when they got a job it was hard. At any step she saw obstacles which she couldn’t overcome but only be hurt by them. At the same time I could observe her wasting time in front of the computer in slowness and uncertainty. This morning I asked her about education. She doesn’t have an ability to pay for the second higher education and have a slight idea about people who change their specialisation sharply. Some accountant becomes a designer without the education- she muttered. She eats outmeal or cottage cheese with a pear, at the common room she doesn’t talk and even doesn’t sit beside me. It seems me a bit strange. Someone is closed and not confident.
The other girls are sisters. They work at the big companies as I got and at the moment they are looking for a flat. Even though it is clear that they have an purpose of marriage, they are more goal oriented than the first girl. And perhaps they will really arrange at this big town. At night I could hear their informative discussion about renting a flat. (I took note) They knew all demands, all questions to ask, all prices to orient on. In a word, they studied the subject coscientiously. And this morning they are dealing with it again. This is how people do it.


But as I could observe it is really hard to listen your heart here. Long noisy roads to and fro, huge amount of people and advertising. Someone has alredy decided that you should desire this or that stuff. If we throw the outer shall away most of people don’t have more than in province. Having little modern things here like wearing warm at winter. They sail with the stream and believe it is the great life just because of the location. It is hard to find your way here and easy to follow it if you know. People are lost in the turmoil of demands. The link of financial questions keep them under pressure. To live here you need a flat, to have a flat you need a job, to have a job you need bundle of things including education and experience, to have them you need the stubborness and ability to twist. People have to be more clever to survive here.
For example, stores. At the hometown we have the big store across the road and it’s never hard to buy something unexpectedly. Here I had to go to the next station to buy a pack of rise. And know what? I will need to go there again as I don’t have a habit to buy everything once, we usually do it everyday. You need to arrange all your movements to have time for a real life.
But it is not what I like to think about. When it touches me anyway the only intention I got is study. Being at the bookstores, tourist’s places I only got the peaceful idea of world’s lat and fascination. I want to develop even more when I see the picture of people in a rush.
I must or I’ll write down too much.


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