Run-up and work.

It’s not so hot and sunny today this is why people have worn jackets and boots instead of t-shirts and sandals. Mom was late but nonetheless came back home to wear warmer clothe.

I did the storyboard in a very interesting procrastinator way. I had been researching the outlook of crocodile and estimated zoo. Some moment I redid half of the stills to more expressive ones and could really plunge into work. There is no way to do something good or to do at all but be honest with your interest. I think so.

27e21d3f63ef5454b8ffc22aa98b7f25The second part of the day was eaten by the work which happened because of mom’s reconstruction at the country house. I found out it especially boring and ridiculous to sort out the blur photos of the old man or to correct someone’s word file for free. I still have some interest in people’s nature but in the observation way I can forget to break a check or count the sum correctly.

Another point I’ve got is that this type of business is not perspective by nature. We can work hard day and night but the profits won’t rise (regarding the effort). And the reason is the natural limit of growth. I mean that the present strategy (in choice of goods and service as well as place) make it hard to develop (yep, I’ve got the difference between little business and start-up). To get really good profits it’s necessary to change inner quality of product (goods and service) for making it competitive and desired by other kind of people.

Wow, I wrote amazingly many words on one little idea (but could more). When such moments of my practical thinking happen in front of my creative friends I feel a bit awkward. It’s strange to see that ideas of extra creative people are often very unpromising in all ways but personal.


No routine

You know, schedule does not work if you actually have no intention to do things. Typical me. I easily forget about everything important because of momentary stuff. I should leave the way of pressing on myself with the agenda and different “have to”. Yesterday was a free day with many hours for the rest but I found out it fun to finish to learn the history. And I had done that inspite of Sunday and sun. I’m free to do or not to do as well as free to choose between a few consequences.

2e9f556b384d1c218c64d474d5d0ea08Of course, I haven’t become satisfied with couple of things like the surrounding, quality of English study, ability to play tennis and meet with incredible people. I’m not satisfied though I’ve got that the struggle with little tiny irritations during the day is the energy consumer. Small things inundate the life if we don’t have own direction to go on. Basically this all is routine lifestyle. Even tv films are not above this. Art is above, particularly the filtered with time and place one, which survived social wobble. Without culture and art everything seems to have one moment and no more.

It’s hard to find a proper metaphor for this idea. Time goes like sand on the cold beach, but changes happen by strange anomaly movements which modify the direction and stand long time though sand still moves. If I knew molecular biology perhaps I could describe it more clear. The Tolstoy’s picture of the round covered with water drops which always in action is more proper.

I found out myself trying to leave the routine, dusty lifestyle and think globally about lifetime. It makes days brighter.

I’m wondering why didn’t I overcame the ignorance in the history of art before. It’s not so hard to read the book, make notes and watch at the artworks. But the understanding is better. And I found out that feel like any time in history. It seems to me only like now, endless now which came to this moment. There are no past and no future but the flow from one condition to another, from one mood to another.

5a11222b7d3d0223ac88cb6cf569d779As for me, I feel many sounds in my mind including crappy music for running, american series which I turn on to make noises while I paint. This all make me mentally weak. As Posner said it is always the point of choice. I just need to change the content of this noise or avoid it completely. Moreover, it is easy now.

It is the point of choice every time. I began the still life and I’m still behind the schedule for the interview. But I am sitting here and writing these lines. How do students overcome the attraction of the spring? Art student can just go out and draw or paint the studies.

Yesterday I went to the Artists’ Union for sketches they organised. I was late and when our teacher went out of the back door I had no suspicious. But inside there was the only one opened room and it was filled with the local artists including our composition teacher. They had the celebrating table and joyful spirit. This is why I tried to slip as fast as I could. Nonetheless, it was a pretty walk back through  the bay. People were walking and talking and I realised how little I am out of four walls. Unexpectedly I met the girls who was my friend at school time. She was really tall and accurately dressed, I admired her outlook in distance and couldn’t figure out how she managed to bear three children.  But when we talked, her manners were so common and ignorant that my sense of harmony had just been cracked.

Live isn’t antique statues or architecture, people often fake themselves.


Let’s begin with the phrase “I hate Sundays”. After the family breakfast, tiding up and checking the weekly plan I have usually felt something what female librarians might feel (but not me).

2a204cb3361d3fb978cf014ae48a4bb3I went to the shop for getting the phone case. I didn’t catch the moment when my negligence of outlook invased the routine. I have the worn out three years white fabric bag which is typically dirty, then the red jacket which has three years experience too as well as distressing. The boots and shorts have less practice – only two years. But the blouse what I inaccurately torn today has a great story of four years of trips, lessons and painting study. These all including my typically greasy hair was shown at the big mirror of the chip trading house. It’s not the first day I realise my displeasure of outlook .

The truth is that I have burrowed so deep into the study that I don’t go out at all, I don’t see more people than my mom, grandma and the cat. It was the museum night yesterday but I had got only at night itself. So I hadn’t been in more different company.

I do write this all because of the fact that when I came to the cosmetic shop I was confused. It seemed so hard and boring to look for something among shelves alone in the worn suit. (I found out that better creams are expensive) This is kind of crisis in privite life. Actually this morning mom said me it time to get a boy. What can I say? Of course it’s time. I still cannot make out how girls manage to combine privite and professional life. It is a puzzle for me.

Lots of theory

f2185c1c98d3b27bf9d10f84782734a3It is so easy to forget the habit of writing everyday. The truth is that I am doing study the history of art the second day (I mean the whole day). And it was really strange to stay at home with a heap of gothic churches today. After four hours of really hard learning I’d got the horrible truth – I’d read only ten pages. Can you believe this? I cannot. Evidently, only sitting, reading and summing up don’t work for me. I need to collaborate, to move the body. The day I was reading the paragraph to mom was more useful though I’d got headache. Speaking and explaining the ideas and facts aloud is good for understanding. The other way I did (or maybe not) someday is to read walking. But the problem of writing emerges. Yep, dilemma. The week is going to end tomorrow but I am only beginning the Renessance.

On this background my desire to paint increases like prices  the amount of green outdoor. But I feel that I need to study and do my best right now without silly justifications like “Nobody will ask me this at the exam”. I do remember that everything I practice is for my own awareness, skillfulness and ability to work with information.

During the brake at the trade center I observed and noticed people. I’d never felt myself so strange before but it was interesting. I had not tryed to focus on people instead of clothes at the shops ever. I made an impression of looking for something but looked actually on the way salers mix and people choose. The electronic shop was terrifying because of the TV walls which reminded me the Bradbury’s novel. The salers were bored and tired. Some watched the series. I would suggest anyone to change the location for brainstorming and inspiration. At least it is really helpful for me.


The energy level is a strange substance which varies day by day differently. But the constant think is that the late morning means slowness and missing the best creativity hours. The mood of dreams and quietness takes me the freedom for new ideas and flexibity for adapting old for new. It’s easy to forget that the good condition and high spirit is the result of actions and limitations which isn’t allowed to give up. I often forget this and scroll the Youtube feed (how clever it is!).

4bab2d6c295a65f9ac55e4bfcfde4dbaI can proof that our senses depends on our behaviour as after the moment you decided to be active, smart and creative the tones of necessary power had descended on you. I write such pretentios and boring things as I’ve got that I can do something properly until I record the whole fervol somewhere. Yesterday I wrote about social networks and as a result I refreshed it not so seldom as necessary.

The other point is the inner (not motivation) mindfulness and vivacity. The best rule which I can fetch by this is not dispelling on doubts, fears, endless reflections, but focus on the content, ideas and the actual realisation.

I have just written such nice words but this morning was noticably pointless. I read the unit at the textbook but didn’t learn everything, downloaded some other testbooks which is the treat of me. I scare to have the wrong\not full\elementary material and chase for something more difficult instead of real study. This is the main reason of my delay in history preparation. I’m between a few textbook all of which are not perfect. This so called problem is so silly that I’m going to resolve it right now.

About social networks

It’s a bright morning with the lute music at the room and green air outside.

Since I uninstalled all social networks’ apps at the cellphone I have become much more concentrated and focused. It is such a relief to know that there is no chance to refresh quiet relevant instagram newsfeed. You can be exactly at the moment among certain enviroment and people, but be sure you do not miss something important. After a week of this customazing I’ve got the idea of absolute pointlessness of daily refreshing the feed and waiting for someone’s posts. And at the issue you do not get something valuable. It isn’t professional journalist’s articles or great photos of artists.115dd9f9d04d54c6b9ec5134cdb18c8d

Some so called friends aren’t have the life which could help you to do something or be glad for them. And frankly people are not so interested in other people’s life otherwise we would call and meet with one another more frequent. I mean that if it matters something for us we would act in that direction. We would orginise meetings and dinners, go for a walk or something else. Let’s be honest – following someone at Instagram, Facebook or other it’s not being involved in someone’s life. While we read and watch at dinner\party\haul of famous persons we are not near by them. We don’t buy the same things and walk at the same streets\parks. It does not become our own life, but it rather deprives the chance to live really, get one’s own way, follow it, meet friends, love, feel delight etc.

However, I can see the great setup of net and cellphone particularly in news. I can read the  articles of the real journalists who write for The Gardian or The New York Times about happenings in the world. And of course I can be in touch with the artistic world through the magazines. This assess to different points of view make the world worthier for me.

At the end of this epic post I must say that in spite of all written the internet is still the good place for promotion. This is the thing which make me consider about using it pragmatically.

Another Saturday

When you know the order of things, answers on questions and even the tune you should have to convey the data whatever it is, it will become routine.

This happens with work which actually can’t be called interesting. Time went slow and I switched from one task to another without much discomfort. The new English textbook was punched so fast that I even couldn’t get the pleasure of creating something pretty for myself. Sometimes when I read some foreign news or articles at the laptop and someone dull went it is so strange. They can be harmless and obidient like sheeps or sharp and pretentious in the whole temptations to look powerful. When three gloomy faces of daughters and their mom looked at me with absolutely frown faces I couldn’t restrain from giggling. It was so ridiculous!

At the cafe I have already recognised the waiters. Alive life. There were sticky grandma with the grandchild whom she made notices all time and mom with daughter who discussed the choice of the university department. Many simple pointless faces without much care. But a few light eyes and a few clever phrases by medical students (I said them all the typical director’s phrase). The seller at the near shop has so vulgar make up which highlights her tiny cheeks and general castlepaste. Her dress usually has high shoulders and bright colours. She always turns on the Moscow road radio with many popular songs and narrow minded ideas. People live like that.

Generally, I’m very kind with people who have difficulties with conveying ideas or certain words. But sometimes the fact that we all think that people can read thoughts make me furry. This is why I became so snobbish in asking all possible questions, repeating after them and looking at the face. Though we all speak in the same language but have difficulties with understanding.

It is true that most of people are alike, they wear, speak and take photo in the same way. I quess that basically they take decisions by some without ideas not their own. I write evident thinks but this is what I observe. And I have question about the roots of the decisions they made and especially ideas they take. How do they recognise their things and how they accept anything? This is what I usually consider about.

But at home I got the new album of lute songs and enjoyed it greatly.

Green morning

Yesterday I wrote many words at the notebooks but the conclusion had not been made then. I mean the whole my sadness and slowness hadn’t gone to something. But this morning though it was late I went to run with the running playlist. You know that it is hardly possible to think about sad things while you are running especially with dynamic music. So did I. Despite the cold eastern wind the hope of sun and grass filled me inside. Sometimes I just forget about the delight of living and growing up. Writing it differently it is easy to lose the sense of delight. Most people I quess live having such pleasure lost yet.  Sun and green colour make things lighter, they help to think in joyful perspective way.

On the contrary, the time table and certain strict demands fight with the joy of growing. As usual. Let’s consider in a light way of development and pleasure of study. I need to take the trudging out and place the philosophy of maximum study (read pleasure). Let’s disclosure hidden ideas, facts and objects. Let’s smile again and be what I want whatever happens, however enviroment is. Let’s live the life of discovering and speaking out. Let’s find out, let’s open and show findings people.may 024

Though it can sound silly but I need to quiet myself. The awareness of my inclination to push on myself at the time like this doesn’t help at all. Conversaly, I drink more coffee, rewatch informational video and look out of the window as I’ve frozen. What a typical reaction on little stress. But to be honest it is very natural process of informing. I am on the verge between informed pessimism to pit. The harsh idea to accept is the necessity of superhard work without such momental frustration and pauses for making it all “normal”. d8b6fc6cc36e1f3050b99ca54332afe4

The other point I want to write is the extra need in better community around. The ideas I can hear from the majority are the self-pity and total justification of passivity and irresponsibility at lives. The one of the most popular reasons of not doing things is age. The home situation is so comfortable that sometimes I forget about the responsibility to develop. It is clear that I need a strong rear and confidence in people around me. My network is really weak and must be improved.

It seems that writing hasn’t helped me to relieve. Anyway, show must go on.