I had a horrible dream this night. It was a projection of our yesterday walking. We were going somewhere at me birthday and by the door of some cafe Nastya said to me lots of awful things like: ‘You’re nobody! You have done nothing in your life!’ I was shamed by those words and turned back to go out, while there was something indoor for my birthday party.
Then I went to the grey room with my course mates who begun to terror me, hung on the rope and beat. I can’t remember any other dream during which I felt so humiliated and strong in loneliness the same time.
The reason of so horrify vision may be our talk about education abroad. She completely attacked me with questions like “What is the purpose?! What is the profit of studying abroad?!” (I told about school pupils who pass American exam and apply at their universities) While she was speaking out I couldn’t make out what to answer. I heard the total ignorance in this field and total absence of desire to understand. And of course no desire to support me even with words.
Later I got that her reaction is kind of reaction people who study at province have. They don’t understand for what purpose applicants choose the capital cities. Isn’t here enough universities?
The meeting was chaotic in general. I felt that her gusty speech rides and noise in my mind like a train. I can’t that there was the same sense of close and understanding. I speak little and bear lots because I don’t feel comfortable. Does she feel so?