Watching the Nancy Meyers films the second time during two days evidently helps me to do the job I’m reluctant about. I mean plain air pictures. Now I have three not completely finished canvases instead of nothing. I don’t want to listen the silent walls and the gurgling tubes.Instead of that there is the perfect beautiful world of women over forty with their own houses and grown up children.
That made me consider about my own life by the other angle. They all have some sense of life which I lose so often under the heap of tasks to do. Those are the pleasure of being beautiful, eating delicious dishes, develop diversely all the time, work in favourite field, be the best, be yourself, stay open to people around but be able to defend yourself. In other words, it is full life of well-rounded persons. I look at this like some question to get an answer inside. Do I want this and this or its minor for me and I need different.
So my thinking process was while painting the canvas. Day by day I ascertain more and more that the painting\drawing’s way isn’t completely mine and I need some update. I feel so terrible just imagining the making the canvas and carrying it somewhere, decorating it with the hammer in hands and hanging on the walls. The handicraft is horrible to do by the young girl who wants to wear a white blouse and classic suit. Don’t you think so?
The other thing which I brought out the films is my necessity to develop my logic. It is absolutely silly now to remember how terribly I did algebra and geometry at school and how good I was at programming pascal. That wasn’t a result of my dullness but scarce motivation for study at all. And presently I have no desire to regret about it but develop logic (it was said to me so often at the college that I have strong logic that I felt absolutely strange).
Moving on to this exact day I must say that I stayed at the hostel to recover from the yesterday’s strange illness though today I’m basically OK. Evidently, I feel tired faster than usual and have some sore throat. The main reason of my skipping the lessons are the lessons. It had to be painting today and my canvas isn’t big enough, the sketches aren’t accepted and there is so little space and light for all of us but as much dirt as possible for one workshop.