Blue mood

Time is still going on, people are still talking and laughing at the tram, making real life a story, a memory. There is still fall darkness out of the window. Straight rays of car headlights. Orange and white versus deep blue. Damn air of October makes it easier, makes it clearer. It makes ideas look like a delirium.

Feverish ideas of dropping out, amending the life, leading it the other way and avoiding frightening things. Those are immense drawing, hard routine of painting, search of props, fuss at the dusty warehouses, dying the sets at the dirty clothes. Are they so terrible? As terrible as a young girl carrying the 100×150 canvases through the town. As terrible as working scars and burns.

But ideas and desires are still there in the heart. Desire to live life, to tell stories, convey ideas (study them firstly), learn new knowledges and skills. Speak out and have worth thing to say. Don’t be narrow, don’t limit yourself, don’t compromise with formalities. Have a way (whatever it means). Have a dream and pursue it.

There is a list at the notebook, it is titled “Things I want to study” and there are not only artsy subjects like architecture and script writing but politics and social studies with business marketing. I feel I need to know how big creative process works. I’m an odd person at the clearly creative community or I just have another mindset. Does it mean I am not at the suitable industry? Does this deviation value anything at all? Is it bad?

I want frightening things in tough industry. Do I really want?

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4 thoughts on “Blue mood”

  1. I was wondering who is around you. Does any person share these feelings that art and the present-day studies are not enough? What are they like, those persons? Are they only in creativity as you wrote? Do they seem to be experiencing something like you?

    1. It’s strange but just today I’d been discussing this subject with Nastya. Of course we touched only speciality. We both have the same amount of academic painting\drawing tasks to do and the same amount of reluctancy about this. She turned out to be unlucky about the master, he cannot teach and have vague demands. So we have too – vague demands and uncertain deadlines. And both our courses don’t have enough real practice with projects (even little).
      But surely, I’m the only person who has an idea of studying politics and managment.
      There were two other girls and a boy from the animation dep. and they had exactly the same complains – lots of work and little actual study. So I’m not lonely.
      (but I got a lot from the 1.5 hours lecture by NY film academy’s lecturer)

      1. By formal study I mean painting\drawing too, which take 18 academic hours per week plus 8 academic hour for another subjects. Some of them could be useful and interesting but for the reason of teaching it isn’t.

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