Crisis has a turn

At the late morning it is hard to remember yesterday’s resolutions on life. But I remembered that as clear as possible. The toast with cheese and some coffee are the best fake version of English breakfast. Yes, I try to cover up some ideas I have and the whole feverish passion about them. The study tasks, mastery, drawing and painting turned out to be marginal and boring – some kind of leisure, while others came to the fore. Why is it so?

And I’m so exited, scared and even a bit happy to see a perspective and even believe in myself. I asked mom weither I am able to pass some exams and she surely said that I could pass all of them but mathematics. Mother’s words are extremely subjective but I prefer to feel like she’s right and I can.

On the other hand, the mastery which I try to avoid, do work and be free of this. Moreover, there are some projects which I refused because of huge reluctant to have a deal with construction site, stain and furniture. There could be a paragraph on my stupidity, narrow-mindedness and perfectionism, but there wouldn’t be an evident thing. Who of clever drop out school to be a painter without the nature of an artist (I rather get in art by mind than heart)?

I am a damn-shit analyst with intention to explore the world and amend it. In other words, idealist. And I certainly need a person to speak out openly.

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