It’s a great pity that the festival will be closed tonight. I cannot imagine the subsequent life with the routine study and heap of tasks to do. Even now I try to avoid the work and stay at the same position of busy volunteer. I don’t know, there were so many beautiful talks with so many people from different cultures and different background. Reading the dialogue of my department’s people I feel scare. It has terrible thoughts and phrases, not concrete but vague and boring. Or I just felt really needed at this job.
However, there is a lot of work to do just for passing the session. But I’m willing to watch news, read Aristotle and Russian history, find a programmer for my ideas, celebrate New Year Eve and meet with friends at the hometown. This is just a month, just another month. I don’t like working alone, collaboration with all its drawback is great for productivity. You just cannot be lazy, passive and silly in front of other people. You do your best and learn to really be your best. But I don’t chase nervously for other’s accept I can see my own activity more clear with other people. When I talk I can hear myself and think why do I say this or this, does it mean something? Yesterday I enthusiastically told Lilya about my ideas for applications and how important to realize your ideas. She agreed to ask her friend programmer. Everything is possible with right people.
It’s terrible but this all looks like I’m going to have another term here. But I don’t want at all. Tricky situation and I caught cold again. I should improve my mindset otherwise it’s going to be torture.