It’s not as bad as regular Tuesdays are. Neither rush nor hurry, nor anxiety about the mastery. I just got up at the time and did my sketches, then read the cinema history textbook (which like a lecturer itself is not very linear). Everything is calm. But I feel that this calmness, this pure silence should be accurately fulfilled with proper content.
When I pay more attention than a normal student should do for history it reckons by me like a non-doing “right” things which include the major study. For some reason, the fear uttered by one sitter at the drawing lesson is still with me and it still has its impact on me. This is the fear of being noticed. Not good, really. As a result, I can be lost among other students and people and girls. The only seen mean by this is reminding you that life is yours only, and there won’t be any other time, any other chance for a living. People around don’t care, so you should care about being yourself.
It seems strange to me that I don’t work like crazy but sleep enough, go to the lesson, talk with people and basically ok. Maybe it’s a result of my confirmation with the idea that I won’t be applied this year and there is no need for a real try. But it’s not so. I must try cause at least it’s fun.