And what is the result of painful, restraint and devastating discussion of my plans for the future? What are the final decisions? These are the reason of my inner anxiety and headache today. I keep amazed by the words people speak to each other. How surprising, disappointing or encouraging it can be!

My mom drew a line with the conclusion that I’ll fail exams and get into vague space of nothing. Which means for her the only remained option – get married and bring up children. (Bravo!) Also, it appeared that she reckons my common level as basically insufficient for a total change of profession. This is fair, but not final. And all those years could be either waste of time or not.

Ok, I type and cry the same time. It psychologically hard to find a place in my mind for another term’s concerns. I try to select the good whodunit for the mastery and mull over all the aspects of the minor study. Strategy, priorities – such kind of things. I need to figure out my own intentions.

P.S. Ok, I’ve just read the documents on the transfer from one institute to another and my hope had appeared again.

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2 thoughts on “–”

  1. Oh, as I can see, it has worked (when you came back to Russia I also tried to make a comment here and failed, the comments just never appeared).
    Well, let’s come to the point. I’m sure enough that you are aware of the idea that a person shouldn’t listen to such stuff (like marriage as the last measure and things like that). Yep, that’s a commonplace piece of advice, but please, don’t let it distress you.
    I’ve read a book recently, “Трансерфинг реальности” (В. Зельдин). Usually, I disagree with authors (of any book) in terms of some opinions, and this one is not an exception cause I don’t believe in some things he described, BUT – he conveyed an interesting idea. Sorry for this sheet of text, I’ll try to explain it in as few words as possible.
    So, a person should not be overreacting and thinking too hard about anything. According to the author, there are some forces that put obstacles if one is too eager to make their dream come true. It’s good to wish and fulfill what you want, but there should be no fanatism and dramatism (I don’t say you have them, just the explanation). It’s necessary to relax a little and realize that you can choose any path in your life and then act without any doubt. You will definitely achieve your goal, so act as if it is an obvious thing. Just listen to your soul and understand what you really want – not someone else, not the society or something/anything. Only you. When you decide what you want and start thinking of it as the true scenario, it will work. Then the author describes some techniques how to do it (like slides where you imagine yourself when your dream is becoming real or looking for signs or realizing that you are awake in your dream and when you don’t sleep). You should read this book if you have time, it is, again, not a Bible and the only-truth-translator, but is shows things at interesting angles.
    So, to cut it short, the more one thinks and worries, the worse the situation gets. I personally can remember when it was like “I want something – I try too hard – nothing happens – I give up and almost forget about it – this thing happens.” Don’t push yourself too hard, stay calm, and you will manage to do anything, okay?
    (I do hope this comment will be shown).

    1. You’re so wonderful (and English writing is so good!)
      Actually, I did read this book some time ago, but couldn’t stand author’s excessive confidence in his ideas and gave up. But now it is the position I need. Moreover, I spend a few hour reading the state document and real stories about a transfer from one specialty to another. And you know what? It’s quite typical situation for the first year and therefore the transfer agreement exists. And as anyone, I should pass the whole first year to be able to move on.
      About doubts, I can say that without outer interaction I can see the big picture clearly with all educational omissions and expected difficulties. (And study history like crazy) But as all people, I am not a machine and I need some support. In the case of the college, there was a teacher on the courses who helped me a lot with preparation. I can see that my coursemates from the college support my enthusiasm. In any case, I won’t die or get bust.
      That common piece of advice is quite necessary. Watching films about people who cannot speak with each other, solve problems etc we(ok, me) amaze why didn’t they do all like clever people but aggravated the situation. In real life, it’s much harder (sorry for banality) to know what exactly to do, how to react, what is critical and what not.
      Ok, I won’t push myself, just manage study, get 5-s at the histories and majors. Thank you so much for the response!! It means a lot for me. Take care of yourself too.

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