What a strange day! At the very beginning, this was terrific though I had so little time for exercises and morning routine. The girl on the street was freezing on the way to the institute in the spring gear and no hat. Surely. Red ankles, red ears.

The history lesson was wonderful and absolutely educating. I had a clean list about the topic before and some ideas after. Vague time in Russia was kinda intriguing, frightening and full of pivotal moments. I was perfectly happy during that time and was agreed to continue. But there were other lessons. But at the corridor, I got how easy it was to attract people while you’re happy yourself. I did talk with one cinema scholar and was welcomed by some other people. That was sort of socializing. Beautiful.

However, I felt so good and could talk with people totally amicable the drawing lesson hadn’t become joyful for me. There was the regular noise of chatting, disorganisation and absence of any motivation for work. To add my own lack of understanding what is the reason for drawing. What is the main purpose? And nothing worked to make anyone focused on the task. Nothing new. Finally, Sasha turned on the dynamics and all people wanted to own music to be sounded. That was absolute chaos. I tried to do something and had actually something done but frankly, I did and do draw worse than at the college. And I skipped the last hour.

What a relief to go out to the snowy street after such a mess! My way was to the trade centre in the suburb. Strange? No, it’s okay to buy dumbbells in the middle of nowhere.  Again I listened to the history while the head was relatively clear and felt confused. So many details are out of my sight! And how primitive the knowledge I get know. However, I’m happy to get more and better than nothing and no way.

At the other trade centre that was a vacuum in my head. The famous poet talked about some social and literal phenomenon but I was out of touch. The whole world is in the room I can see only through the ajar door.   The emptiness and the same time lightness of my own skills\knowledge\experience. Zero. The empty field for creation.

I haven’t still paid for the fee and actually have no desire to. But the common sense and my mom are on the other side of the question. I will finish this year this way or another. For some vague purpose.


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