I’m just from the meeting with the girls. I didn’t want to come but it was an obligation for me to keep up. The first thing I was afraid of was questions about private life and talks about a relationship. Recently I found out that it’s hard for me to verbalize all I think about, to say nothing about sharing. All those New Year decorations and need to buy gifts made me feel so upset. That’s almost reflective for me. Moreover, I can’t see Mary’s success (selling and workshop), it strikes my senses.
What is it for? I mean construction, study, domestic routine, people at the Uni. What this lack of money and constant shame for? What my loneliness for? No life. No problems. No problems, no life.
There was an odd emptiness, though we were in the beautiful valley near the college. We drunk delicious wine with cheese. It doesn’t heal my New Year time blue mood.
Girls were pretty, but I couldn’t speak out on some topics and haven’t really talked. I made jokes, commented and fumbled wine stopper. That’s all. That’s all my role. I spoke kinda confident when we discussed news and no more.