Before the road to M

So today I’m going to sit on the bus and go to Moscow for the exams. What am I feeling? Actually relief. It is not because of the exams or life changing process but because I am going to Moscow which means I’ll be able to walk there and visit my favorite places. It means being at the town. For some reason, it takes me an easiness. It would be perfect if there was a flat of mine.

On the road to the bus station, I met NastyaH who was coming to the hospital. Our talk was fun and friendly, I’d got that people had misunderstood my silence and I should be more open with them. Then I luckily bought a ticket and walked down the road on foot. It even seemed marvelous. I mean the idea to stay at the same place. Everything is easy and understandable enough.

At home, I packed the backpack and downloaded some films for the road. The thing I found out is that feature films are rather boring for me right now, I cannot watch them as much as before. I’ve got one Jim Carey’s comedy – perfect for the road and the documentaries by Parfenov (which I really like). Speaking of documentaries I must say that for me it’s an easy and convenient way to know the world, but this way isn’t the best. The best is traveling and connecting with a variety of people. That’s best for sure.

I even looked up the books on the war topic (the next one for mastery). It was strangely tiresome to wade through the jungle of the plots. Fiction books certainly are not so touchy for me as non-fictional. Or I just ain’t able to read it. Which is more probable. (But of course, I picked one just in case).

Actually, I have no desire to prepare for the exams, it’s weakness, yes. I have already refused to go to Spb (I watched the rating – it speaks I won’t be applied even with maximum mark. Speak nothing about my real level) The other situation happens with the local university where I certainly can enter, at least for the part-time program. And it could be interesting to have an additional diploma.

The other idea which hovers in my mind is to get a job for the weekends. I need money as much as I need independence (and privacy).

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rainy rainy Saturday

At the renewed McCafe on the Bay, there are too many people around. My mocha was delicious despite the noises around. That was so strange to notice how people drinking through a straw resemble the cows. Divided by the panels and tables they are pushed inside by some strange reflection of local fashion.

I finally send the last paper to be concerned to pass the exam at the reserve day. But some part of me has already spoken that it’s hopeless and rather expensive then rational. Surely, I’d like to see Spb once again but now it’s more important to figure out further steps. For some reason I’m lazy. Really, I am reluctant to do anything special, it’s too comfortable to stay slow. I know it’s not for a long time but now that’s so.

Actually, the question which makes me up at night is “Could I be successful in that humanities for real or should I dine in the arts again?” I’ve got that I need a balance between knowledge and practice in multiple areas, not only one. Yesterday we watched the documentary film about Spain and there was a story of a girl who lost her legs because of the terrorist’s attack. She was shining, full of life and love, she got a few higher educations, made a great career at journalism and became a happy mother. It was said by her that she and her mother just decided to be happy. It’s strong. As for me, it’s really strong and worth respect. This is the

June home 156

Yesterday we watched the documentary film about Spain and there was a story of a girl who lost her legs because of the terrorist’s attack. She was shining, full of life and love, she got a few higher educations, made a great career at journalism and became a happy mother. It was said by her that she and her mother just decided to be happy. It’s strong. As for me, it’s really strong and worth respect. This is the stem we all need. And me in particular.

If I pick the documents out of the institute and be applied to the local one on the languages, I thought it could be interesting to work on being a professional artist, not a studying one.  The other option is staying at the Institute, continuing the realistic way and going out in Moscow. All I need is a clear picture and tools for the progress.