While I was cutting the onions I watched an old documentary about Pozner. You know, to discharge my mind. But during that time, the sharp contradiction I faced so often during school and college time met me again. My grandma went to the kitchen too and was washing and moving something in our three square meters, she was talking some rubbish and expecting me to answer something on that.
The image of Pozner’s early life in the upscale environment, educated people around and variety of tasks around made me feel envy again. Surely, my life is another story, but there is something offensive in looking at wealthy life. I won’t the beauty and freedom of such lifestyle but I regret I hadn’t a possibility to be surrounded by the better environment. And surely, there is neither excuse for me nor a reason for sadness. I just see how things are linked to each other. Past and present.
Let’s write about new year eve.
Yesterday was the day of cooking and watching Sherlock the same time. I woke up late and quietly did my morning routine. Pages and to do list.
Cooking was so tiresome but quite absorbing. When I had the first dish done (vegeterian lasagne) it became much easier to cook. And yes my salad got delicious as well as meat in Burgundy.
At the evening I took the bath reading V.Woolf’s diaries (if someone is interesting) and had absolutely light feelings about everything.
To have a fun evening and night I bought the table game “Monopoly”. We made the dinner, drink and then played. Unfortunately I was winning and took money of mom all the time. After midnight she became irritated and sat to the computer. I was confused as the only thing I desired was a fun time, no more. But the nature of game (and mom’s reaction) made it tense. She said that the game is the only thing we had that night, I asked to offer something and only spoiled the situation.
It is much harder to have an active rest time rather than passive.
And I didn’t make any wish this year. I decided to make them true, not wish.