daily, privite life, reflection, senses

good old Sunday evenings

So Sunday is losing its power above everything and concede a place for another study week. I’m in the usual for weekend’s evening after-bath mask. There is a good old comfort of Sunday evening which reminds me school time when we went to the bookstore with parents and made dinner with the noise of comedy show or news. I was reading much more than now.

But surely this day as a few before wasn’t congenial at all. Even today I went out of the room just for “not being in the room alone”. I had delicious noodles for lunch, bought two nice t-shirts at the Russian shop and a stylus for the phone. Even when I went down to the supermarket I could hardly be logical on my own (here we are! ) sadness. It went out of the lack of control over my own life on the day-to-day basis. There is no option of modification or deviation. I have to do what is to be done for the session. And it could be nicely endured by me if it wouldn’t take almost all the time with some dull connections and useless talks. I hate meaningless, and it’s the point. I must remember.

However, as I felt killing time was not my main reason for melancholy, the main one was a well-known sense of loneliness. How unique! My position of double life helped a lot in alienation. People aren’t dull, they see tribesmen. At the supermarket, I saw peripheral vision a known girl standing in the queue. It was like the invasion into my Sunday routine. I run away and hurried up to not to meet her again. Talks and smiles, you know. Nastya is quite happy in her successful private life in the new room. Which is nothing with me at all.

Certainly, I’m going to visit home at the vacation – it’s too hard for me to endure the whole time though I know it’s a good test. But, yes, it’s good to remove some things.

Finally, I cannot throw the study on the road and move forward without, I need to put it into the proper place, get papers and move forward.

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daily, reflection, scribbling, senses, to improve

“How can you be bored studying here?”- the girl with narrow glasses and reddish hair asked me while we were sitting at the corridor by the big window with the view on the whole street. I didn’t know what to answer. That was a minute’s tedium, was it? Was it a momentous quirk or not? We speak more open and apparent than we presume.

Despite all my embarrassment and queer replies on farther questions about mastery that had meaning. I did really felt tired by the row of lessons and breaks. The lunch at the canteen where students play their game and reluctant about sitting with strangers. Herd mentality arranges big tables just for one company, looks for stools and place. There are paper tea glasses, plastic trays and the queue to the metallic stand. Change of people, replacements of stools, movement of persons, the transfer of meal to the other places.

The anatomy lesson is the dubbing of the second course at the college. Bones and joints of the spine. Intervertebral discs, spinous processes. My sloppy handwriting with the black pen.

That’s snowing at the morning. NastyaT was coming with me to study and enjoyed the picture of white and yellow colours around. Evening changed it to blurred lights of cars and windows with wet asphalt and cold blue sky.

I did think about life and how could I lead it to the way I do now but there is hardly a person wishing to hear woaming. As for me, I don’t want to read such. I need to amend my mood, life, behaviour, plans, mindset and grades. The work life and development matter for me much. But I’m quite unhappy with day study and assign everything to spare time.

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