So Sunday is losing its power above everything and concede a place for another study week. I’m in the usual for weekend’s evening after-bath mask. There is a good old comfort of Sunday evening which reminds me school time when we went to the bookstore with parents and made dinner with the noise of comedy show or news. I was reading much more than now.
But surely this day as a few before wasn’t congenial at all. Even today I went out of the room just for “not being in the room alone”. I had delicious noodles for lunch, bought two nice t-shirts at the Russian shop and a stylus for the phone. Even when I went down to the supermarket I could hardly be logical on my own (here we are! ) sadness. It went out of the lack of control over my own life on the day-to-day basis. There is no option of modification or deviation. I have to do what is to be done for the session. And it could be nicely endured by me if it wouldn’t take almost all the time with some dull connections and useless talks. I hate meaningless, and it’s the point. I must remember.
However, as I felt killing time was not my main reason for melancholy, the main one was a well-known sense of loneliness. How unique! My position of double life helped a lot in alienation. People aren’t dull, they see tribesmen. At the supermarket, I saw peripheral vision a known girl standing in the queue. It was like the invasion into my Sunday routine. I run away and hurried up to not to meet her again. Talks and smiles, you know. Nastya is quite happy in her successful private life in the new room. Which is nothing with me at all.
Certainly, I’m going to visit home at the vacation – it’s too hard for me to endure the whole time though I know it’s a good test. But, yes, it’s good to remove some things.
Finally, I cannot throw the study on the road and move forward without, I need to put it into the proper place, get papers and move forward.
All my Napoleon’s plans were crashed with the annual country work. (The bad language here). Half of yesterday I was there making some stupid rump. It was so irritating. Sometimes I just can’t understand how it’s possible to jump over the city culture to the rural routine. At the end of yesterday I looked forward the city life with plain roads, water and light.
Not only destroyed plans of preparation annoyed but the fact that the son of family’s friend went to Canada for study. Just another click to dive into study. That boy was a friend of mine sometime in primary school. But you know how strange it was to visit their eight rooms flat with nanny, maid and big aquarium though I always felt like home and had no confusion. Then he studied at the best local school (not well known school, but best) where my classmate studied too. Yep, educational ways are winding. We played at the same room but I was expelled from the gymnasium because of English and geometry. Such moment it is the best to remember that everyone has own way and it mustn’t look perfect. Though I still a bit regretful about the choice of school and my passivity in study. Typical fixed mindset.
So today I have to carry some more stuff at the country and find out answers on interview questions. And I’m nervious again. I don’t know how to cram everything into Sunday. I just hope my mom won’t have a garden to distrack me as her mom does. I asked her but the answer was vague. This all is so great kick to achieve goals and to climb on the desired mountain.
This was the real first day at work.
Morning was coloured in windy grey. I went to work imaging myself at Scotland again. I had been being there only for three days but now every time when it’s strongly the wind blows and green trees are staggering I see the Edinbourg’s streets. It’s walls of stones and affectionate hills of silence. I see black sharps of chapels and narrow nooks.
At the work there were warm air and huge deal of tasks to do. My perfectionist suffered from high speed of work which expelled little mistakes. At the dinner I came home and saw the sun appeared out of clouds. Much oxygen to breath and take ease. Little gardens in local yards and tranquility at the flat. Warm light with cold air.
At the office there was electric blue light of lams and computer screens. Papers’ cuttings and pieces, tasks to print and sheets to cut. It was so boring to cut the series of leaves (with pictures and descriptions of flowers and trees for the sellers) but so energy to print the whole fifty hundred leaves for few minutes. At the end of the day it appeared to be the huge profit for this one day. Much more than usual. And such point was the perfect one to feel good when I came out on the evening cool streets where everything was so pretty. But I’ve really tired.