Autumn-like day at home

_MG_6349It’s not only raining today but it’s darkening with every hour. I can see it through the window.  The whole day I am sitting with the history book, laptop, and cup of tea. Honestly, my mind is rather full of new ideas and some anxiety than the laser focus on the twenty century’s events. That’s why I still struggle with the lack of concentration and understanding. It seems even hopeless now. I feel weak when I want to say “It’s too much for me! I’m sick of history”.

My page at the notebook with the plans for August is almost full. At the finish line, all thoughts are about post exams time. I want some emotional relief after that. Maybe it seems strange to hear, but the main reason for the emotional burnout is my unexpected desire and some ideas for the paintings and more. The last notes at the notebook all are the IDEA ones. The other desire is simple and trivial one – earn money.

One of my coursemates is having a vacation at the seaside abroad. Surely, I could be envy about it but as it was said to my mom “I could make up the better way to spend that money”. I mean education and the development. No vacation while I don’t have a proper professional position and some real constant profits. It isn’t time for enjoying the benefits, it’s time for raising them.

But this evening we actually are going to watch something and go to bed early as we both are tired of such weather and routine.

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This is the calm saturday morning. Birds are singing outdoors, neighboors are sleeping and one went away. I am sitting here almost lonely in silence and contemplation.
But yesterday I spend most of my time drawing the storyboard for the composition’s lesson. The weather was extremely hot and sleep crept on me as a veil. In spite of my zeal there had been done above half of demanded. Five pictures instead of nine. The way took so much time that my intention to come early was canceled – I was late on twenty minutes. You can imagine what kind of shame I felt. Anyway it didn’t distrack me from farther drawing.
It was a room with a few rows of tables and the sceen in the end of the class. When I came in the teacher commented the storyboard of someone else. There was a lot of people with ready papers and some people who were finishing or beginning the new one. Many brown hair girls, one boy which face I could see at any art college (typical) and one grey-headed master. It was a crash of my image but I put myself together and continued drawing. At the end of the time I shown him my work. And know what? It was extremely criticised. He even couldn’t notice that I practically didn’t have an ability to know the list’s organisation (this is quiet strict) or their special visial demands. I wrote all he said down as it was the critical keys for their love. I can’t say that I share all that aesthetical programm, there are some unnessasary limitations which rather oppress creativity (dislike of unusual perspective and people’s backs). But his words about consciencial selection and wide research resonated with my own understanding.

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Anyway, looking at the confident competitors and the previous years’ exam pictures I got the idea of sharp need of preparation. The only chance to stand out and recommend myself as a great perspective student is the storyboards itself. The idea of opportunities to work on the skill and have some imrovement cheered me much. It is so important to have a clear idea about your activity and understand the exact purposes. I like understandable measurable notions, they make things achievable. This exam is the kind of state exam and no more but I should think about adapting it with the portfolio.

The evening was very fun yesterday, I sung a bit in noisy subway, listened the pedestrian’s musicians everywhere. Friday is quiet enjoying day here.