So today I’m going to sit on the bus and go to Moscow for the exams. What am I feeling? Actually relief. It is not because of the exams or life changing process but because I am going to Moscow which means I’ll be able to walk there and visit my favorite places. It means being at the town. For some reason, it takes me an easiness. It would be perfect if there was a flat of mine.
On the road to the bus station, I met NastyaH who was coming to the hospital. Our talk was fun and friendly, I’d got that people had misunderstood my silence and I should be more open with them. Then I luckily bought a ticket and walked down the road on foot. It even seemed marvelous. I mean the idea to stay at the same place. Everything is easy and understandable enough.
At home, I packed the backpack and downloaded some films for the road. The thing I found out is that feature films are rather boring for me right now, I cannot watch them as much as before. I’ve got one Jim Carey’s comedy – perfect for the road and the documentaries by Parfenov (which I really like). Speaking of documentaries I must say that for me it’s an easy and convenient way to know the world, but this way isn’t the best. The best is traveling and connecting with a variety of people. That’s best for sure.
I even looked up the books on the war topic (the next one for mastery). It was strangely tiresome to wade through the jungle of the plots. Fiction books certainly are not so touchy for me as non-fictional. Or I just ain’t able to read it. Which is more probable. (But of course, I picked one just in case).
Actually, I have no desire to prepare for the exams, it’s weakness, yes. I have already refused to go to Spb (I watched the rating – it speaks I won’t be applied even with maximum mark. Speak nothing about my real level) The other situation happens with the local university where I certainly can enter, at least for the part-time program. And it could be interesting to have an additional diploma.
The other idea which hovers in my mind is to get a job for the weekends. I need money as much as I need independence (and privacy).
It is such a nice morning I was running across Arbat Street. Sun and calmness penetrated into everything.
But yesterday was quite different. I had so much impressions and tiredness that couldn’t sleep at night.
The day started at the carriage among other passengers. One quiet student who read the textbook the whole road and other two who drunk beer and discussed their little lives. I shuddered with horror about transportation of my luggage. Three big bags and one small. But I managed to do it fast enough. I did it smart when wrote the road to the hostel down.
Hostel seemed me comfortable and friendly. The hostess smiled and saved the general positive mood.
I went to and fro the train station to get all things at the place. It was such a turmoil to move forward instead of tiredness and hardness.
I slept a bit at the bed. The dinner I had at such a nice cafe where everything was so European and liberal. (I can hear the interview with the employer) There were many beautiful stylish people and nonrussian stuff.
Going to the subway immediately I had a horror struck as I forgot my transport ticket and any paper for sketches. When I went to the need station there remained not much time for the road. I decided to go by bus, went to the stop and saw there two girls with canvas. How stupid I was to follow them and enter the other bus. The terror I got when it rode the other side was inexpressible. The whole way to the institute I treated myself as a bad organised panic monger. The air became dusty and cold, building – ugly.
But the funny truth was that I hadn’t been late much. In great hurry I crept at the workshop where students had already at the middle of the process. Fast enough I met the teacher and got the information. The friendly laboratory assistant gave me some paper. Strange but she seemed know who I am well to touch my hair. (artists are strange) And there I met Checkmareva as it was a film: her great amazement.
We talked at the brakes about all kind of things. And especially we murmured about the level of the students. It was terrible. It’s all. But this is not the reason for relief Vice versa. I felt a great pleasure in academical drawing though it is not a creativity. I was sitting in the front row (oh, how bold it should be) and was well observing. The teacher didn’t come to me to say a word. My impression about him wasn’t great: many vague phrases instead of concrete advice.
The institute looked like our college but little bigger or I just felt so with Nastya. We talked nonstop until her station. We had already disclosed our views on this town and St. Petersbourg our (more her) views on foreign countries. She amazed me with her limited views, it was like her only informational resource is the state chanel.
At the hostel I talked with the female neighbour. Her story helps me to puzzle out the lifestyle, the grin of this town. Until it’s compound, double sided. I have many thoughts but it is for the other post.
During the way to Moscow I had been sleeping no more than twenty minutes I presume. It was strange to get off the bus on unknown metro station. There was a fray between drunk boys because of crying girl. Then in the subway I frankly worried being between them. So ugly and grey. On my station I found Coffee House to sit some time and have a breakfast. It was not a good breakfast, but the possibility to kill time. Strange thing to hear bad language, and be waited from a closet in agressive way. And I naturally breathed hard and said to myself how unfriendly Moscow met me everytime.
Streets was empty at eight o’clock, only cleaning machines flushed pavements with soap water. It is great if you are out of those roads, another way you will be entirely splashed. Like I had been. Barrettes and yards of houses (historically low and totally high) in the centre. Last time there it was primarily spirit of metro, crowd in common stir and nonstop run. But that time I saw placid mood of narrow roads and certain faces what could be smiling else.
When I went to institute’s dormitory it had begun to rain. So fast as I could I went to instititute half and hour earlier that I should.
In the canteen I met a girl from NN. She is going to enter there too and we had much points to discuss. Often I listened resemble thoughts from her about art and Repin’s institute. We set at the first row where we could observe professors and managers entirely. One of them (from sculpture department) was drawing the whole time. The main speaker was composed, good-looking and clever enough. The main spirit of the meeting had really welcome, open, not snobbish mood. Everyone of the comission answered on questions quietly and precisely enough. Even before the consultation about russian literature exam I had collected much information. And the main one was about my doubts I had not more. Then in the study we had the little lesson about literature. When I entered immediately I set with a dark-hair and dark-eyes girl. We were talking the all time about mistakes, exams, literature, illustrations. One moment I had forgotten that I was not at home but in the other city with unknown persons, that I did not study there then and that was not a usual lesson of literature. Information I have now is quiet useful.
When we came out of a study, talks had not been stopping until the farewell in metro. In front of the time-table we touched the point of russian “education” what absents. It appeared that she lived and studied in Germany seven years. Both of us hates theme of war and the main political stream now. That was real pleasure to speak with her and hear a responce on my own thoughts and hopes and dreams. I really can say that like attracts like. And also the whole day in Moscow, in the Institute, no one thought I was not a local. Irma (dark-hair girl) even asked me either I had come on car of foot.
Museum like a usual haunt, was placid yesterday. I delighted with Sezann and Matiss, Picasso and deutshce artists. With time I understand in art more and more. Wings of inspiration made me fly and enjoy the moment. Streets were full of different stylish people, walking with their companies and smiling on sun and spring what came finally. I felt self-confidence there.
After some wondering I had found the place where Sasha studied. That was like a little town in the big city. Plenty of book and art stores, exhibition centre and interesting people everywhere. Sasha appeared from the corner very noticeble. And we talked nonstop about much things. But I should say frankly I felt a difference between her and new moscow acquantances. Basically the difference is. Maybe it is diffilcult to her throw bad details of life what everyone has. But the time with her was friendly, warm and interesting. We said goodbye in the half of the word and I went out on my station.
Evening in the bus was unexpectedly active. I was gapping without any desire to sleep. But I did later. On the morning I spent an hour looking through the window on lighted fields. At home I had slept four hours.