Everything ready, or it simply seems to be ready. I’m going to Moscow today to end up with the institute and check out of the hostel. That’s the main purposes. The minor ones are to walk and write more, to breathe the air of the capital. I need it as far as I won’t be there probably for a year and I will certainly miss it with all my heart. I do now.
I want to investigate some new places though I will need to pack things and take care of my new status properly. I’m going to take an academic relieve for some time. Just in case. For what exact case I cannot guess. But the thing I know is that it won’t be easy and maybe even psychologically obsessive. However, I simply must do it.
My mind is wandering in search for some faults in preparation but I simply cannot get it. It’s a habit to pack things which make me too calm to be confident in my readiness. No matter!
Besides, there is a book of that woman on studying languages I want to read and some more another books by Tony Buzan.
So, it’s my third day at home and there is no post on the romantic topic of road and it’s drawbacks. This is because of me who keep the word to be very active and do more for managing more. This is why two evening I either prime the canvas or sort out photos from the trip or download all the russian films I must watch and read my book (on the introduction step).
Now it is sunny morning with green trees out of the window and the cawing crow. I had the omelette for breakfast and have satisfied with it very much. How did I miss eggs!
Though, it’s time to back to Moscow. It was night when I was going to the subway, the town was different, almost empty but more dangerous and misterious. Near by the construction my heel was knocked down. In great hurry I amended it and went farther. That was the first time I saw the floor at the Arbatskya station. There wasn’t usual crowd but strange suspicious people who I tried to avoid. Even the railway station seemed to be more quiet and deserted. As I was aware of entries and exits, staircases and corridors it was easy to carry so much baggage to the platform. And there was no surprise when super Chuvash woman tried to humiliate others for her own vanity. People crowded around the railcars, talked or carried things inside. Of course, young men jumped the queue but it hadn’t any influence on anything generally. I was lucky to be surrounded with female. They patiently waited for me making the bed and stirring everywhere. I know I am a bad neighbour. It was night and I had no desire to look out of the window but sleep. It was the typical not full kind of sleep I have at the train. At the morning I was woken up by the frozen leg. Then everything was quiet: tasty breakfast, film 400 blows, the dinner – and at the next moment it had already been Cheboksary.
The weather blossomed. Sun lighted the green grass and trees, air and streets seemed significantly clearer. Mom had new haircut and another jacket. I had no inner problem in coming out of the capital, nor pathetic nor pose. The flat seemed very clear and comfortable – everything free to use. After the pea soup I sorted the baggage out so quickly and prepared clothes for washing so fast that I have time to go to know my exam results. And it is not so good as I hoped. And now I cannot know exactly the mistakes. Mom was a bit sad about it as it means I must work on the creative exams harder. But when I passed through the country like streets with little amount of cars and new building farther I was inspired very much. It was so easy to breath and think. That is behind.
The rest of the day I orginised the next two months and did little things.
So, the suitcase has completed, the dinner is eaten, rubbish is thrown away. And what else? I’m ready for the night train and have the intention to ride away now. But I have the lesson today and my train is at midnight.
I woke up so happy and enthusiastic to move on that I smiled and talked nicely with the Spanish man at the hall. The run was refreshing as usual. The track for run and dog walking was wet and grey today. Calm swans glided on the water surface while dogs were running and barking at each other. Funny character of a man who took a business call and told about something serious. He was in the black outfit which made him look like walrus. Many old people with ski poles. The pond was tranquil as usual, and as usual very pleasant. I found out the very harmonious Chinesse restourant at the corner of the building. It reminded me some Boston’s cafe on the corner. Basically, it all was the same. The same quietness, the same stir. Difference was in the weather which is so rainy now that I ch
ose the warmer boots for moving.
Yesterday I watched two particularly interesting interviews by Pozner with Tatyana Chernigovskay. She told about the influence of Internet and typing on the brain and the fact that out brain decides everything ahead us. He takes decision, we do something and then he convinces us that this decision was our own. So we all have things decided long before we know it. I got it always that brain is much smarter than me.
The another thing was that wrong answers and untypical thinking make people more like genius. She noted that genius couldn’t take the State Exam well. And I know why. While I was preparing for this stuff I could feel the bad effect. There was no desire to be curious, to think through and find the gist. No, there were just answers on questions. This is why I really want to return to that eager approach in study and life.
Also she told about the artifical intelligence which can develop so that it will desire to blackout us. Scary things.
But the way she answered questions and reflected inspired me to keep up with the old fashioned way of consumering informatio and think over my cellphone’s habits. I know that it would be better to limit my time there and maybe to come back to the paper recorder.
Now, I see that the decision not to make the new storyboard was silly and childish. I have time and place. What else? It’s important to begin the intensive process at home without any delay. There won’t be any excuses. I know.
It is such a nice morning I was running across Arbat Street. Sun and calmness penetrated into everything.
But yesterday was quite different. I had so much impressions and tiredness that couldn’t sleep at night.
The day started at the carriage among other passengers. One quiet student who read the textbook the whole road and other two who drunk beer and discussed their little lives. I shuddered with horror about transportation of my luggage. Three big bags and one small. But I managed to do it fast enough. I did it smart when wrote the road to the hostel down.
Hostel seemed me comfortable and friendly. The hostess smiled and saved the general positive mood.
I went to and fro the train station to get all things at the place. It was such a turmoil to move forward instead of tiredness and hardness.
I slept a bit at the bed. The dinner I had at such a nice cafe where everything was so European and liberal. (I can hear the interview with the employer) There were many beautiful stylish people and nonrussian stuff.
Going to the subway immediately I had a horror struck as I forgot my transport ticket and any paper for sketches. When I went to the need station there remained not much time for the road. I decided to go by bus, went to the stop and saw there two girls with canvas. How stupid I was to follow them and enter the other bus. The terror I got when it rode the other side was inexpressible. The whole way to the institute I treated myself as a bad organised panic monger. The air became dusty and cold, building – ugly.
But the funny truth was that I hadn’t been late much. In great hurry I crept at the workshop where students had already at the middle of the process. Fast enough I met the teacher and got the information. The friendly laboratory assistant gave me some paper. Strange but she seemed know who I am well to touch my hair. (artists are strange) And there I met Checkmareva as it was a film: her great amazement.
We talked at the brakes about all kind of things. And especially we murmured about the level of the students. It was terrible. It’s all. But this is not the reason for relief Vice versa. I felt a great pleasure in academical drawing though it is not a creativity. I was sitting in the front row (oh, how bold it should be) and was well observing. The teacher didn’t come to me to say a word. My impression about him wasn’t great: many vague phrases instead of concrete advice.
The institute looked like our college but little bigger or I just felt so with Nastya. We talked nonstop until her station. We had already disclosed our views on this town and St. Petersbourg our (more her) views on foreign countries. She amazed me with her limited views, it was like her only informational resource is the state chanel.
At the hostel I talked with the female neighbour. Her story helps me to puzzle out the lifestyle, the grin of this town. Until it’s compound, double sided. I have many thoughts but it is for the other post.
That was strange trip at all. Instead of foretaste of being at the capital again I was irritated with perspective to spend about twenty two hours en route in company of workers, hearing their serials and being squeezed at the seat. The way there I was sitting with the young boy in track shorts. He was so passive (as the second one was too) that without my stubbornness we would sleep touching each other constantly. The sleep was torn on pieces with the stops and attempts not to touch the guy.
When sleepy me went out of the bus there was violent freeze. The people at the subway looked at everything with harsh view. Grey colours and texture of not fresh fabrics. My unconscious feet knew the road perfectly.
During the day when I was en route I thought about my attitude to Moscow. At the morning it was rather irritation, malice and cleanliness. Roads, corridors, excavators can tire a lot.
I wasn’t to be friendliest at the McDonald’s where I spend two hours reading the book. And I wasn’t to look perfectly good. It didn’t matter for me. There was not such worry as before. I could speak with the guardian at the institute in frivolous way, ask questions insistently and wait until unfamiliar man asked about my purpose and took me some instructions.
Two hours of break I spend at the sunny Park. People were hurried for work and passed through the empty places with pathetic music and appearances. I sat at the cleaned square and could observe how museum workers greeted the street cleaner. White shiny snow and silence among old non-commercial buildings. I lost there and found a way through the technical park.
I leave my home for few days and feel really good about it despite the headache.
Today it was the second day I woke up at working time and had no problem with it (yes, I still struggle with this habit). At the university I was the second student came early. The first was the girl from the college. We could start the day with positive talks and jokes. I couldn’t restrain myself from acting in front of the young other girl we’d made aquantance with. During the lesson I caught myself at the thought that I have a passionate interest into dramatic plot (even in traditional russian literature). As usual I answered most of questions (just to exam myself) and observed other girls who were sitting in the frozen poses.
At the middle of the lecture a boy entered the study and sat at the back row. I was really intrigued because that boy was my coursemate. Being interested in his present situation however it wasn’t hard to wait and be calm about talks. I went to him, asked something and he blurted out a lot of tiny details. He went to the academy (at the autumn, I presume) and now he worked in the museum as a worker. Ksenia went to the local pedagogical department immediately on the second course and some other persons made motions to and fro too. Interesting. He did not change at all. The same manners to go out without any notice.
During the trolley-bus track we (me and another Nastya) talked a lot about academies and institutes as usual. As usual it was fun and easy. Basically with slightly known people.
The rest of the day I spend with computer and calendar thinking about spare time.
I’m going to make notes en route to Moscow because I feel that some clarification about really deep things of my own life should be written down.