Yesterday was a strange day which I spend on the swollen legs (because of the trip). Before the lunch I took the bus and went to the New Town for scouting. At the beginning that was strange but funny, I took photos and videos of landscapes and trees, tried to run and shoot, move smoothly and make effects. Regular walkers could stare at me strangely but they didn’t. When I left the grove and turned out to be under hot Sun without any hat I’d got it’s challenging.
The way to the field in front of the town’s entrance was hard. The air was dense and fervent. Not having a lunch I felt I could faint any moment. Can you imagine the empty direct street with imperceptible buildings and worn out banners ahead the shops? For some reason I did not perceive any aversion just observing that. Despite my desire to keep up with healthy lifestyle I took a local ice-cream which was really great (not so sweet but creamy with remarkable taste of fresh milk). After that the way up had become easier. I took some view points there and then had been considering how to manage the filming by the river. Unfortunately, everything around the town has the damages by people – some rubbish, broken grasses and trees. We are always quite careful about ecology.
The way back I spend just sitting at the mini bus and looking out of the window. Sometimes like now I would be too overwhelmed and unfocused for reading or listening something. I like slowness though there is the anxiety inside. I don’t like too much I like great. But is there any option to manage all wishes but to do more? I don’t see now.
It looks like I’m going to forget how to describe my days. Anyway, I have some things to say. Right now I’m at home with the bag ready for another little trip to Moscow. But at the middle of the day I was so absorbed with script writing that I had totally forgotten about any preparation or packing.
The idea which I had since the very moment of listening the newest album of Ludovico Einaudi emerged every time I heard the track. And of course I did plan to do something on it. Yesterday morning I spent cooperating with Helga who seemed to me the most active and ready for experiment person. My pleasure was great to know that she’s in game. The rest of the day I was anxious about every little detail and the whole picture. This afternoon the outline was ready (not perfect but is). Now I have some idea about the hardship and invisible efforts needed for making even such a short video. We hadn’t started the filming yet. But I know we will do it anyway.
The other thing which grabs my intention is kind of international opportunities which I actively look for. To this particular moment I cannot say that I have found something suitable. There are many obstacles and difficulties ahead of me.
I assume that it will never be finished I mean the struggle with own ignorance, fears and without demands. But speaking this way I don’t want to say it’s bad, conversely the overcoming process makes life vital and dynamic. Nobody complains because of the risks and drive at the attraction. Life is something the same. You’ll never get nor satisfaction or achievement without risks of failure and zealous investment into life. I remember the great lines from a book: “You’ll never fail if you know you have done all possible”. Retrieving this phrase from time to time I realize that I do not want to be a complaining and suffering person at the end of any process. And the only stable way to avoid it is to be active and invest time and efforts into valuable things. It’s funny to know that any moment of life you can choice between a few options and it’s a free right to choose.
Oh, I’ve written some pathetic ideas again. That’s all me. I actually like the way of political speech (out of the reality context, of course) and rhetoric, discussions as well as human rights. Oh, I’m really afraid of absolute absences of such things at the institute. It’s never enough for me, there is always a choice between few options.